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Fine
rooms to rent, all inclusive.
Royal landlady.
Dial... ~AKK
Got
an inconvenient relative?
A deadbeat roommate?
An
ex-boyfriend who just won't leave you alone?
Call... ~Trivia
Your
place looks crumpled?
Your neighborhood sucks?
You feel
paranoid about the wonderful spybots?
BY GOD! You ran out of
drugs!
Call 555-GLITTER!
We'll connect you to the dealer of
your choice
for just 5.67 Crowns/sec. ~AKK
Got
fines that need fixing?
Tickets you don't want to pay?
A
murder to cover up?
Call 555-BRIBE and we will take care of
you. ~Trivia
Announcement
in own affairs:
Wanted (urgently):
TTV Spot news
moderator.
Well paid, highly regarded, free lodging and
food.
Average life expectancy: 1 show.
Apply at... ~AKK
Your
neighborhood has humans?
Call Exterminate Inc.!
We'll
catch, bind, and hand them over to the authorities
for just
50% of the reward. ~AKK
Memory
Birds Inc. : our birdbrains are the best! ~Trivia
Join
the Forces! Adventures throughout the Galaxy!
Attractive
Armor, free flights, and Royal employer all inclusive!
Enlist
NOW! ~AKK
1,000,000
Crown reward for information leading to the capture of
former
TTV anchorperson Jujub Horkinak. (one of them got away) ~Trivia
OFFICIAL
PALACE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Whoever withholds knowledge about
GalaxyRangers
commits a major offence and faces eternal wrath
of the Queen
(to be spent in a comfortable private booth.
visit the psychocrypt
for a personal experience of our
improved comfort). ~AKK
EMPLOYMENT
OPPORTUNITY!
Excellent medical benefits!
Apply Room 21325,
West Wing, Royal Palace.
Gherkins and humans preferred.
~Trivia
Need
a hand (or a whole being to do the job)?
Call 555-ZANGWELL.
We
take orders up to 5000 entities. ~AKK
For
sale: Full equipment for earth-style rock band.
Highest
quality instruments. Slightly used.
Comes with free
complimentary video of Eve Wheiner's band. ~Trivia
EMPLOYMENT
OPPORTUNITY!
(males only) Excellent gratification.
Sportive
physique a necessity.
Apply Room 6-69. (appropriate clothing
available at location) ~AKK
Tortuna
Bell: Run for the Border! ~Trivia
Sick
of routine tortures?
We go for the *specials*
Call
555-SCREAM! ~AKK
Tortuna
Evening Classes:
1) a slaverlord, the slightly different
neighbor
2) how to bribe crown agents properly
3)
mannerisms of spydroids
4) psychocrypt ettiquette
5) how to
avoid traffic jams while lying dead.out with drugs in the
street
6) make money! catch humans! We show you how!
7) the
sensible crowntrooper - a being like you and me
8) city
hygiene: how to deal with spydroids, tunnels, and humans. ~AKK
Got
an enemy that no one will take on?
Call Killbane Inc. and
we'll take them out. ~Trivia
Need
some flair, some grandeur, some magic?
Call Mogul, court
magician extraordinnaire ~AKK
REWARD:
5.000 crowns for the critter's head who posted the last ad. ~AKK
Need
hands for your business?
Call 555-Plaguos4all.
Genetically
enhanced versions in stock! ~AKK
DESPERATELY
SEEKING HUMANS
Will pay top dollar ~Trivia
Memory
Bird Malfunctions? Not with us!
Call BrainBirdCo. (Royal
Servant). ~AKK
Your
slaverlord bubbles?
Let's learn in 10 easy steps how to work
properly with the spongefish-95 model.
Call... ~AKK
Want
that lovely lilac glow?
Get Superba Cosmetics and get the
Royal treatment. ~Trivia
In
need of tamed men?
Want to add royal glamour to your
lifestyle?
Consort Inc. - *the* dating agency! ~AKK
Suffering
hair loss?
Our top specialists will show you how to best
conceal it from your subjects.
Call 555-GO-BALDY! ~Bruinhilda
12,000,000
for the head of the Baldy Hair Replacement Co. Body optional.
~Trivia
Tortuna
Travelline!
Sightseeing throughout the Empire.
Psychocrypt
all inclusive!
Call your travel agent right NOW.
Dial
555-CRYSTALNOW ~AKK
COOKING
WITH US: Humans - the other white meat. ~AKK
Need
that annoying person in your life gone?
HitMen R Us! For all
your extermination needs.
Call 555-REAPER ~Bruinhilda
EQUIPMENT
AUCTION
Government repossessions and surplus equipment.
Ships,
cybersteeds, memory birds, crown troopers all sold to the highest
bidder.
Saturday, October 12, viewing starts 7 a.m., bidding
starts at noon. ~Trivia
Got
stuff? Need money?
Go blackmarkets! The only address with
consent of the palace! ~AKK
Got
information the Crown wants?
Don't want to attract the
attention of the crown troopers?
Call 555-SNITCH.
Confidential
reports to the Crown without the hassle, for only 25% of the
reward. ~Trivia
Stuck
in a dead end job? Going no where fast?
Then see your Crown
trooper Recruiter Today!
We're looking for a few expendable
bodies! ~AnnieO
Crown
Insurance Agency.
We provide coverage against fire, flood,
meteor showers,
psychocrystalization, and so much more!
~Trivia
Rival
companies? Annoying superiors?
Call Kill'em Inc. The easier
way up. ~AKK
Your
life's no fun? Your wife's gone?
Humans burned your
house?
The troopers found your tunnel?
Don't give up!
PSYCHAM shows you *the productive way ahead*!
Call 555-CRYPT
~AKK
To
whoever it was who ratted me out to the Rangers:
I did not
appreciate having the Runt kick down my door and shoot up my
apartment.
When I get my hands on you I will show you exactly
why
Killbane Inc. is the nastiest elimination agency in Crown
Space. ~Trivia
You're
a tech genius?
You aren't afraid to take risks?
You like to
dwell at high places?
Call 555-PALACE - we might use you. ~AKK
When
you go out on the town, you want people to know who you are.
You
want people to treat you with respect.
You want Obsession for
Tyrants. The scent of power. ~Bruinhilda
EMPLOYMENT
OPPORTUNITIES!
All levels of Crown Fleet personnel, including
engineers, pilots,
navigators, programmers, communications,
and weapons techs. ~Trivia
log on at cannonfodder.com
~Bruinhilda
JOB
OFFER:
20 minutes work, 1 month's pay!
Free food and
lodging!
Call 555-CRYPTME ~AKK
Want
to look like a Queen?
Come to Capes-R-Us. ~Trivia
Get
your picture taken with Elvis!
Visit Madame Toussaud's
Tortuna. ~Trivia
TTV
PROUDLY ANNOUNCES:
Hogokuk's late night talk:
Topic: The
secret desires of the Queen!
Date and Place secret. Stay
tuned. ~AKK
LIVE
UNCENSORED FOOTAGE FROM THE QUEEN'S BOUDOIR!
Not for the
weak-stomached or children. ~Trivia
TTV
sadly reports the sudden decease of it's senior stuff. ~AKK
WANTED:
television
personnel.
All positions available. apply NOW!
555-TTV
~AKK
~~~
and
at the same time on
Crown
Shopping Network:
"And
that's not all, call now and we'll throw in an offspring of
the
MOTHMOOSE OF KIRWIN! That's right, for only 49.95 crowns,
we'll send
you the X-Factor genetic enhancing agent, a
gelatinous henchman, a
floating holder for your brain and an
offspring of the MOTHMOOSE OF
KIRWIN!
Mothmoose
offspring available on first come, first serve basis. Crown
Inc
not liable for mutations, side effects and mishaps due to the use
of
X-Factor (heck, we threw in the brain holder didn't we,
Negata?).
Act
now, supplies are limited!"
~Rabbi_Bob |