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Strange Happenings |
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BetaMountain |
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Doc,
sitting at his computer in the GRS5's office, groaned. "Looks
like the commander is right. The mainframe AI needs a maintenance
technician. Urgently." ________________________________________________________________________ *THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING A MAINFRAME AI IS NOT THAT ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE RELYING ON ME FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY BUT THAT I GET TO KNOW A LOT OF FUNNY SUB-AI'S (AND THEIR ELECTRONIC CONVERSATIONS A.K.A. EE-MAIL). USUALLY I KEEP COMPLETE SILENCE ABOUT THESE GOINGS-ON IN OUR ELECTRONIC WORLD OF BITS AND BYTES -- ESPECIALLY SINCE I DON'T WANT TO FRUSTRATE THE CHARMING DOCCIE HARTFORD -- BUT THIS IS SIMPLY TOO GOOD TO BE FORGOTTEN AFTER THE ORDERED DELETION...* buzz@beta.gov to b-head@beta.gov You
will surely find it in your memory that I told you at 11:47:03 on
2089-02-13 that QBall ordered me to increase my abilities in
human interactive behavior. I worked during the last human
personnel sleeping period on how to do so and discovered that
today is one of the humans' *special days*. buzz@beta.gov to b-head@beta.gov Ranger
Niko refused to accept my gift of a bouquet of roses, though she
accepted a colorful greeting card and a mug with the text
"Warning: explosive liquid" on it from Ranger
Gooseman. b-head@beta.gov to buzz@beta.gov You
forgot that you aren't of her species. buzz@beta.gov to rusty@beta.gov [hothouse.jpg
256kb] rusty@beta.gov to buzz@beta.gov Ranger Buzzwang, your circuits obviously need an in-depth integrity check-up! buzz@beta.gov to b-head@beta.gov I tried it with a female of my own kind, b-head, but she wasn't pleased by my flowers. b-head@beta.gov to buzz@beta.gov Flowers are something for human beings. A woman of your kind would like to get something related to her own kind, of course. You must adapt your program. buzz@beta.gov to rusty@beta.gov [kitchenutilities.jpg
735 kb] rusty@beta.gov to mainlibrary@beta.gov Classification:
urgent mainlibrary@beta.gov to rusty@beta.gov Excerpt
from Oxford's Elementary Dictionary: rusty@beta.gov to buzz@beta.gov Oh
Buzzwang... you shouldn't have. buzz@beta.gov to b-head@beta.gov It worked! She's going to meet me! b-head@beta.gov to buzz@beta.gov Good luck. *THE NEXT PART IS GRATEFULLY PROVIDED BY SURVEILLANCE CAMERA SUB-2872 AT L-36-C -- [SOME OF THESE FEATURES PROGRAMMED INTO ME ARE REALLY TOO NASTY!]* start
of the time index: the second droid enters the room TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED BY MAINFRAME SUBROUTINE 69121 [CHILD PROTECTION] -- VIOLATION OF VERBAL PARAMETER # 3276422.1 +
371 sec TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED BY MAINFRAME SUBROUTINE 69121 [CHILD PROTECTION] -- VIOLATION OF VISUAL PARAMETER # 2364203.7 AND VERBAL PARAMETER # 912651093.4 +
1203 sec TRANSMISSION ENDED BY MAINFRAME SUBROUTINE 69121 [CHILD PROTECTION] AS I SAID, THIS SUBROUTINE TAKES ITSELF FAR TOO SERIOUSLY! BUT AT LEAST I WAS ABLE TO TRICK HER INTO PUTTING THIS UP ON THE PUBLIC BLACKBOARD. buzz@beta.gov to mainframe@beta.gov Command: Delete all backups of communication processes belonging to buzz@beta.gov between 2089-02-13 00:00 and 2089-02-15 00:00 THAT DROID DIDN'T REALLY THINK I'D DO THAT, DID HE? ________________________________________________________________________ "See?"
Doc leaned back. "There's obviously something wrong with our
main AI." |
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