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Credits:
The
idea to this Galaxy Rangers fanfic was sparked by RabidX's X-Men
(slash) fanfic I
Have A Secret Crush On My Teammate.
"Hello,
and welcome to our show. As announced our guests today are
the.... GALAXY RANGERS! My name is Jerrold Jumper, and I
will show you just what really happens.... INSIDE BETAMOUNTAIN
AT NIGHT!"
The camera panned across the studio,
showing full tiered seats, and a podium, covered with soft grey
carpet and eight chairs. The four in the middle were already
occupied with today's guests and the camera scanned from left to
right, portraying each of them briefly: Galaxy Ranger Captain
Zachary Fox, Ranger Shane Gooseman, Ranger Niko, and Ranger
Walter C. Hartford. A teletext message beneath Doc's smiling face
read: Ranger Hartford insisted his middle name to be only
initialized because it is 'Carel'.
The camera
returned to Jerrold.
"Of
course many of you will expect this show to be about Ranger
Gooseman and his seemingly omnipresent harem. But not only would
his private life alone fill another airing, it has also been
covered –
elaborately and abundantly as I might add –
by Oprah last week. So we will focus first on.... WALTER
HARTFORD and ZACHARY FOX!
"Is
it true, that the relation between you two is anything but
strictly professional?"
The camera was filled with
Zach's face, gaping, sputtering... "You think that Doc and
I... that we..." The question finally registered. "ARE
YOU PEOPLE NUTS?"
"Please,
Captain Fox. Mind your manners. We aren't a late night show after
all." Jerrold sniffed indignantly. "I take it that you
deny your relationship?"
"I'm
a married man, Mr. Jumper." Zach glared. "And a father
of two. You can't possibly accuse me of–"
"Now
this might be a good point–" Jerrold smoothly cut him
off. "–to introduce our first surprise guest who might
be able to shed some light on this issue: applause for MR. CODY
CARSON, please!"
"Wildfire!?"
Zach jumped to his feet. "We've got have a dozen valid
warrants for him right now! I–"
"Now,
now, Captain Fox." Jerrold shook his head. "You
promised not to arrest anyone for the duration of this show, do
you recall? Shall I show you the contract?"
"Not
necessary." Zachary bit off, taking his seat again he glared
at the broadly grinning Carson. "Consider yourself cuffed
the moment the show credits run off!"
"But,
Zachary." Wildfire looked appalled. "I thought you know
by now that I'm not into the sadomaso stuff. Keep your metal
plays to someone else."
"I
take it that you know Captain Fox more privately then?"
Jerrold cut in.
Wildfire claimed his proffered seat and
leaned comfortably back, smirking. "Oh yes, there've been
times–"
"YOU–!!"
Two chairs cluttered from the podium into backstage. Niko pulled
her legs close to avoid getting kicked as Zach struggled to get
to Carson's throat. "Goose, let go! LET GO! That's an
order!"
"The commander
said not to kill anybody." The ST held the struggling
Captain effortlessly around the waist. "He meant you, too."
Jerrold watched the scene for a moment, before he flashed his
famous 10,000 Credit smile – actually, it was a 7,983.75
Credit smile, but who's counting? – and stepped in front of
the camera, blocking sight of the turmoil behind him. "I
think it's time for our first break. Stay tuned for the second
part of INSIDE BETAMOUNTAIN AT NIGHT and what Mr. Wildfire
has to tell us!"
- - - -
- - - - - -COMMERCIAL BREAK- - - - - - - - - -
"Hello
and welcome back to today's Jerrold Jumper Show. Today's topic is
INSIDE BETAMOUNTAIN AT NIGHT. I'm Jerrold Jumper and we're
continuing with the interview of our first guest. Mr. Wildfire,
before the break you were about to tell us some more about your
acquaintance with Captain Fox."
"Sure
thing, boy! We used to be like this–" He held his hand
into the camera, thumb and index finger pressed together. "–but
that was before he'd gotten all those stuck-up-the-BEEP-ish
attitudes like wife and kids and so on." Wildfire smirked.
"Not that the chair next to him got cold in his younger
days."
Jerrold acted baffled. "You're saying
that–?" –
"Sure
thing. It's just the metal that's slowed him down a bit recently.
Otherwise he wouldn't have needed the family as cover, you
know?"
"SAY WHAT?"
Zachary yelled. At his back Goose's hand clamped unobtrusively
around his belt in case the captain lost it again. "I'll
have you know that those kids are mine, and I enjoyed every
minute... uuhhhhh..." His cheeks looked as if they'd burst
into flames any second as he shrank back into his seat,
effectively trapping a flushed Goose's hand between his back and
the chair.
Wildfire, feeling safe again, shot back. "And
that from someone whose wife has been conveniently frozen the
last couple of years! Sheesh, boy-o. A smart-BEEP like you!
Thought you'd come up with something better than that."
Zachary's voice went very quiet. "Carson. Do. Not. Go.
There."
Wildfire blinked with brightly shining
innocence. "Where, Zachy? I doubt they have a broom closet
for us. And I've grown a bit old for the toilet
stunt."
"Wildfire,"
Goose said calmly. "Get the BEEP out of here. I don't know
how long I can hold him back, okay?"
The audience
snickered and howled. Some suggestive calls were quelled by
Jerrold stepping in front of the camera, blocking sight of
Wildfire's less than graceful exit. "Now that we've learned
something about Captain Fox, we should also inquire about his
partner in this. For this task, we present our next guest.
Please welcome–" Jerrold confronted his note cards,
while a small, slumped, greyish gnome more or less hopped on
stage.
"Mr... LARRY. Maybe
you can give us a brief summary of who you are."
"Of
course, Jerrold, my friend." In the third attempt Larry
managed to hop up onto his seat and waved at the audience. "I'm
Larry, first assistant of Mogul, the Great, space sorcerer
extra-ordinaire. We take cash, star stones, all credit cards,
empire powers–"
"Please,
please. Mr. Larry."
"Just
Larry please."
"Okay,
Larry. Please tell us what you know about our Doc
Hartford."
"What shall
I say? The crook pinched my girlfriend from me." The
audience erupted in boos and hisses and it took a while before it
was calm enough for Larry to continue. "You see, somebody
like me seldom gets such a beautiful being as my Rusty, and then
this– this– this gigolo with his robot fetish comes
and takes her away from me!"
"Me!?"
Doc gaped. "You fabricated an out of control love spell that
nearly killed you and crushed Rusty and it's my fault?!"
"We
were meant for each other." Larry sniffled and wiped his
nose. The audience went into hush and shushing sounds of comfort.
"Till you came!"
"I
brought her with me, do you recall?" Doc barked. "And
you–"
A loud POOOOOFFF followed by the faint
WOOOMPH of an expanding cloud interrupted Doc as Mogul appeared
floating above the stage. "Larry!" He snarled. "You
were supposed to take the garbage out before you left. The whole
kitchen stinks! And what's with my robe? I told you to iron it.
The silver isn't polished either. And isn't that my shirt there
on your scrawny little BEEP!?" The cloud formed a hand and
snatched Larry off-stage. And POOF.
"Well,
well." Jerrold beamed smoothly. "Tonight, nobody can
claim this show lacks effects, can he?" He raised his hands,
as if showering in the cheering applause of the audience, before
he consulted his cards yet again. "And now we are proud to
announce a guest who might be able to confirm Larry's outrageous
claims about Doctor Hartford's preferences. Applause for....
RUSTY!"
The golden robot stalked on stage, causing
more than a single whistle from the audience, when she crossed
her long legs in her best playboy manner.
"Rusty."
For the first time this evening Jerrold's smile seemed to bounce
off someone. "You are here to tell us about the disastrous
mission on which Ranger Hartford made his advances to you, aren't
you?"
"Hey!" Doc
called out. "I did nothing, you– BEEP! Tell him,
Rusty!"
"Please,
Doctor Hartford." The golden robot nodded regally in his
direction. "Keep your composure." She turned back to
Jerrold. "I can't testify about the mission, Mr. Jumper.
Ranger Hartford deleted my memory during the repairs necessary
afterwards."
"Nobody
regrets that more than me, Rusty," Doc exclaimed.
The audience was full of sheeshes and boos. Rusty ignored him and
waited patiently till it calmed down again. "I will never
know what really happened on Walk-Up."
The audience
burst again into angry calls for justice against Doc.
Jerrold took the lead of the talk again. "Then how can you
help us?"
"After my
reactivation, Ranger Hartford hugged me, called me his, and
wanted me to call him 'Doccie-poo'. It is beyond even my
abilities to calculate the reasons for his behavior, Mr. Jumper.
But it was really disturbing. I ran two system checks afterwards,
just to be sure I was functioning correctly."
"I
practically puzzled her pieces back together!" Doc protested
but was drowned out by the audience. "I–"
At the first BEEP rapist!-calls, Jerrold stepped into the
middle of the stage, drowning out the turmoil by announcing the
second commercial break.
- - - -
- - - - - -COMMERCIAL BREAK- - - - - - - - - -
"And
here we are again with the Jerrold Jumper Show. Our topic today
is INSIDE BETAMOUNTAIN AT NIGHT. I'm Jerrold Jumper and
it's time for our conclusions:" Jerrold indicated first Doc,
then Zach. "Here we have a robot fetishist deprived of his
metallic lust object, and a man, half robot–" another
look at his notes, "–pardon, bionic, who hadn't missed
a thing till he got his metal. We at Jerrold Jumper think, you
ought to decide yourself!"
He made a smooth sweeping
gesture at the audience.
"And
as always, it's now time for our traditional audience questions.
Yes, you over there." Jerrold directed the microphone
droid.
"Hi, my question
goes to the young lady. You haven't said anything all night.
What's with your BEEP life?"
"Well,
what can I say?" Niko daintily folded her hands demurely in
her lap. "It's not as if I have many opportunities when all
the men in my unit are occupied with each other."
Some snickers and giggles erupted in the audience. Some male
voice called, "What a waste!"
"And
we come to the second question." Jerry quelled the
disturbance as he buzzed the mike bot over. "Yes,
you?"
"Why don't you
care more about your gorgeous colleague, man? Yes, I mean the
blond one, what's his name? Gasman?"
Goose narrowed
his eyes. "I–"
"STOP!"
Two men in ill-fitting grey business suits stormed the stage.
Their sunglasses reflected the countless batteries of spots on
the ceiling. "ISA! Don't say a word!" One actually
pulled his service weapon. Some screams erupted from the
audience, as the second agent marched up to Jerrold and handed
him an official decree.
Jerrold flipped it open, read the
content, and announced. "Apparently, the Board of World
Leaders doesn't wish Ranger Gooseman to say a word, at peril of
arresting me, my crew, and the whole audience in the name of
National Security." He drew a long, sad sigh. "I only
wish I knew why a high level senator like Eric Wheiner–"
he threw a highly suggestive look at Goose, who went bright-red.
"–goes to such lengths. Maybe our Ranger and the
senator have a history?"
Goose went from bright-red
to deadly pale.
Zach jumped to his feet and hurried over,
hugging Goose closely. "Don't worry, honey. It doesn't
change anything between us, I promise."
Ten Minutes –
and a lot of turmoil – later, backstage:
"Next
time you pull a stunt like that, give me a warning." Goose
growled.
"Sure thing, boy,"
Zachary sighed, involuntarily quoting Wildfire. "But you
have to admit it worked to get them off the Wheiner
track."
"Yea,"
the ST snorted in disgust. "And I was this close to
removing your spinal column!"
"And
I can't help but notice–" Goose whirled round at the
thick suggestive tone in Zach's voice and caught his captain
eyeing his behind rather admiringly. "–you have cute
buns, Lieutenant."
"AAAAAAAAH!"
"You
had to do that, hadn't you, Zach?" Niko asked dryly,
watching Goose fleeing from the building.
"Absolutely,"
Zach smirked. "You have a problem with that?"
"No."
She shrugged. "You're right. He has cute buns. – Doc,
don't you think so, too?"
"Oh
yea..." The hacker whispered dreamily, staring on Zach's
backside. "Zach, could you add just a little bit more
sway–?"
The captain purpled. "No way!"
He stormed after Goose.
Doc arched an
amused brow at the telepath. "Ah, these love birds. Shall
we, dear maiden?"
She giggled. "Yes, my
prince."
END
I
know it's totally unbelievable.
Doc getting the girl? No
way!
I blame everything on the heat!
Period. |