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"Without
Lieutenant Yeager screaming into my ears, the new F-511-A flies
like a dream!"
"Yes,
Shane. And the cockpit's wonderfully silent even at
acceleration," Niko agreed. "What do you think about
the new machines, Doc?"
"The
comps are great," he murmured, still concentrating on his
CDU. "25 percent surplus calculation capac– Ouch!"
He stumbled over something, and Zachary prevented him from
falling. "What's–?! QBall, why are you running me
down?"
"No time, no
time...." BETA's skinny chief scientist hurried on. The four
looked at each others and followed him.
"Hey,
QBally, what's wrong?"
"Buzz
is deactivated! By prime order of Cmdr. Walsh. Even his main
batteries were melted down! I have to–"
He
stopped after they rounded the corner towards the commander's
office. The corridor was filled with people, mostly businessmen –
each of them with the appearance and the nerve-eroding smile of a
used car salesman, Sheela, Walsh's adjutant – now openly
wearing a heavy blaster – stood her ground next two a couple
of MPs. Spotting the Rangers and QBall, she waved them to work
their way through the crowd.
Not
for the first time, Niko was glad of Goose's broad shoulders and
Zach's bionics...
Niko (and
Sheela) sighed in relief when the office door slammed shut behind
them and left them in the relative silence of Walsh's outer
office. Relative silence because the room was filled with the
pandemonium of a hundred self-executing, partially holographic
voicemail messages, the beeping of emails being received, the
ringing of com-access requests and the shrill of a mainframe
warning about overstressed connection capacities. "Gods,
Sheela. What's wrong he–?"
"I
have to talk to the commander! Immediately!!" QBall
interrupted her rudely. "It can't go on that one of my best
works is deactivated in midst of–"
"IN
THERE!!" Sheela, usually the embodiment of calmness,
exploded, causing all four Rangers, including Gooseman, to twitch
considerably, but failing to impress the infuriated chief
scientist. "He wants to talk to you anyway!"
QBall
stormed through the inner door...
[incredibly
loud impolite shouting – fell victim to the censors]
Niko
tapped gently against her right ear to check if it was still
functioning and threw a cautious look at the door through which
QBall had disappeared. "Well..." she whispered
carefully, for she wasn't sure if she wasn't shouting in reality
but couldn't hear properly at the moment. "At least we now
know from whom you got your more colorful descriptions,
Goose..." she drew a deep breath. "Sheela, please,
what's going on here? And why...?" she made a helpless shrug
towards the inner door.
The
adjutant snorted. "Buzzwang made his final mistake, that's
what!"
"And what did
the recycled can consortium do?"
"It
filled out and sent back all the warranty registration
cards of the five hundred new warplanes BETA received, including
the survey at the end, with Commander Walsh's data."
Sheela snorted and unplugged the dozen com consoles in the room.
"And he used the secret direct com for sending them
back."
"Ouch."
Doc snickered. "Sale rep, I hear your knocking..."
"Dare
to reactivate that heap of industrial junk before the next
glacier runs over Phoenix and you'll count sand grains in the
Martian dust storms till the Queen marries the pope!!"
The door was thrown shut after QBall.
"And
where you learned to slam automated glide doors, my Goose man..."
Doc murmured and frantically entered various commands into one of
the consoles. Then he snickered faintly.
BETA's
chief scientist stood dead still while he waited for his ears to
stop ringing. He sighed. "Seems that was it for Buzz,"
he sighed again. "And I haven't even sent back the warranty
cards for the alloys..."
Doc's
snickering had become a full-fledged laughter by now. The others
peered over his shoulders at the screen and read:
Fill
Out Your Warranty Registration Card
Thank
you for purchasing a McDonald Boing military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill
out the warranty registration card below.
Answering
the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
desires.
1.
Title
[_]
Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[x] Gen.
[_]
Highness
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First
Name: Joseph
Initial: H(oratio)
Last Name: Walsh
Password:
BigBoss1 (max. 8 char)
Code Name:
Hotshot
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: 33-112-327
Planet:
Earth
2.
Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_]
F- 41 Raptor
[_] F- 42 Predator
[_] F- 45 Menace
[x]
F-511-A Starfighter
[_] Classified
3.
Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 2091/08/17
4.
Serial Number: 0847081608376604837460287634-BDA234
5.
Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_]
Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_]
Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount
store
[x] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6.
Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonald Boing
product you have just purchased:
[_]
Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_]
Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[x]
Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7.
Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonald Boing product:
[_]
Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price /
value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[x] Kickback / bribe
[_]
Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonald Boing reputation
[x]
Advanced Weapons Systems
[x] Backroom politics
[_] Negative
experience opposing one in combat
8.
Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_]
Earth
[x] Psychocrypt
[x] Tortuna (not Psychocrypt)
[x]
Spacecraft carrier
[_] Armada
[_] Andor
[_] Tarkon
[_]
Kirwin
[_] Frontier planets
[_] Empty Zone
[_]
Classified
9.
Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[x]
Color TV
[x] VCR
[_] Quantum Singularity Powered Cannon
Tower
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CDU
[x] InterSpace
Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[x] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear
Weapon
10.
How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Indicate
all that apply:)
[_]
Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[x] Crazed
[_]
Neutral
[x] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[x]
Primitive / Tribal
11.
How did you pay for your McDonald Boing product?
[_]
Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of Starwynd
Theta
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[x] Credit
card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque
12.
Your occupation:
[_]
Homemaker
[_]
Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_]
Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric
billionaire
[x] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_]
Student
13.
To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[_]
Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running /
jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization
/ overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[x] Gardening
[x]
Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles /
collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_]
Psychocristallizations
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation /
torture
[x] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_]
Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[x] Border
disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank
you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.
Your
answers will be used in Market studies that will help McDonald
Boing serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a
bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to
win a brand new F-511-A in our Anti-Armada Sweepstakes!
Comments
or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONALD
BOING CORPORATION
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace
Division
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