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The
bad news of the year:
HIGH SOCIETY
NEWS
Announcement
of wedding
Senator
Wheiner and The Queen of the Crown
proudly
announce their planned wedding on Friday, January 29.
The
wedding reception will take place at the Orion's -- the most
popular music hall around the galaxy.
Everybody - except
Galaxy Rangers - are welcome as wedding guests.
There will be
entertainment (Larry and the Demons),
a great magic show (of
the magician at court: Mogul),
and of course an excellent
barbecue
(the steaks of fat Bovo 6 cattle were imported from
planet Prairie as grateful presents from Bovo Enterprises).
The
happy couple hopes, that a lot of their guests will enjoy the
following psycho-crystallization...
As
a comment:
It is known, that the former Mrs. Wheiner won't
come to the wedding. The rumors about this say, that she can't
effort it because the bill of her divorce lawyer exceed the
capital of her ex-husband more than two times...
As
always our press agency insists on answering the most important
questions about our news:
"Somehow,
I credited Her Highness with more taste then that."
[-Jessica]
She has more taste than that, because:
1.) She
employed Larry and the Demons for entertainment.
2.) She keeps
Lazarus Slate (she softly called him "Lazzie") as
official admirer/lover.
"Hey, what about Slade? You
really believe he'd be welcome? (Oh, ok, >she might consider
turning him into a slaverlord before he even objects ;-)"
[CGfWiG]
See above.
"Senator Wheiner and the
Queen??? intresting, but I don't think it would work. SHe'd
surley make a slaverlord of him after a week of his idiotic
babbling. Mabey the general?" [-Derrick :)]
Of
course, she is going to create a "Wheiner"-chrystal.
She just waits until all access codes to high security bases of
the League (like LSL - Long Shot Labors) and the credit codes are
extracted out of his brain...
"Maybe Wheiner set up
one heck of a pre-nuptial agreement. <G>"
[Greg]
He surely has, but the Queen is known to kill lawyers
who don't create back doors for her into such agreements.
Top
News:
Wedding of the
year - CANCELLED
As
our secret correspondent from Tortuna - Big-G - told us the
wedding of the year between Senator Wheiner and the Queen of the
Crown is cancelled. It is said, that Senator Wheiner accused his
bride of having secret desires about one of his most dangerous
enemies.
We regret to have to say that we haven't got an
official comment from the GRS5 (as specialists about Tortuna and
the Queen).
But after we ask our questions we overheared a
short dialog, of which one sentence from Ranger Niko is
remarkable enough to present it to you: "...may dream about
him, but she is never going to get him!"
As
an official information from one of our biggest
sponsors:
INTERSTELLAR
TRAVEL do not refund already ordered trips to the Wedding of
the
Year.
Latest
News:
Senator
Wheiner has proposed a motion in the Board of World Leaders for
handing over Galaxy Ranger Shane Gooseman to the Queen of the
Crown. As far as our correspondent knows, the Senator has
discovered a wanted file of the Tortunian Empire for Ranger
Gooseman that promises a reward of 9.900.000.000.000 Tortunian
Crowns.
We've been told that if the Queen is forced to pay
that reward the Tortunian Empire won't be able to build up a new
armada against the League.
The debate on the motion is still
going on.
We'll
keep you -- as always -- informed.
Latest
News - UPDATE:
The
Board of World Leaders has turned down the motion for handing
over a Galaxy Ranger to the Queen of the Crown after a very
polite Ranger Captain and an obviously furious young female
Ranger have informed the BWL that because of the exchange rate
and the current inflation on Tortuna 9.900.000.000.000 Tortunian
Crowns in our currency are about 5$.
Since this wouldn't even
cover the costs of the fuel needed for the handing-over, the
Board of World Leaders decided against the motion of Senator
Wheiner.
We'll
keep you -- as always -- informed.
Latest
News - FINAL UPDATE:
Mysterious
flu epidemy in the Series-5!
B.E.T.A.
Commander J. Walsh recieved notifications of sickness of all (!)
four members of the fabulous Series-5 Galaxy Rangers. We are told
that they are infected by a very suddenly appearing flu virus
that is not covered by this year's flu shots. Even the ST was
seen with a kleenex box.
We didn't get a comment of any kind
from the medical corps about the danger of a possible flu epidemy
(except the standard phrase about washing the hands after...).
Senator
accused of "breach of contract"!
Senator
Wheiner is accused of commiting a breach of contract by an
unknown alien aristocrat. We are told that the bill of indictment
ends with the phrase: "You will bear the consequences and
you will pay, Eric!" and is signed with "QC".
We'll
keep you -- as always -- informed.
LATEST
FASHION NEWS:
The
new hot tip under the super models -- Ms. Eve Wheiner --
presented today the new collection of PsyCry.
(Of course, it's
only a bad rumour that Ms. Wheiner had to skip her career as a
rock star and is now presenting haute culture because she ran out
of money after the mysterious disappearance of her father.)
The
new style of PsyCry is reflected by wide swinging unisex costums
for all occasions. We are going to present the most remarkable
pieces of this new collection in a series of articles in our
magazine. Of course, we are starting right now:
Psych-1
This
wide swinging rag dress is marked by a bright pink colour and
little frills around the plunging neckline, which is framed by
six hexagonal crystals in dark purple and red. The appearance of
Ms. Wheiner was really amazing (as one of my colleagues said:
breathtaking).
Here
are some comments about Psych-1 from well-known persons (though
their reactions were quite different from what we
expected):
Commander Walsh, base commander of Beta mountain:
"No comment!"
Captain Fox, GRS-5: "Please take
that away. Those crystals evoke unwellcome memories."
Ranger
Niko, GRS-5: "Don't dare even to assume that I
voluntarily would wear something pink!"
(After
that, she called for the security service which showed us out.)
Scare-5:
This
flowing dark brown robe is completed with a wide dark red cape
and a frayed straw hat of amazing simplicity.
Usually,
we present at this point some comments about the new dress, but
we decided against it for a description about what happened when
we presented Scare-5 in BetaMountain's laboratory.
We:
"Mr. QBall, please give us a statement about your honest
opinion of the new creation from PsyCry - Scare-5."
Mr.
QBall: "I don't have time to waste on such a nonsense."
We:
"We are very interested in the opinion of a scientist of
your reputation."
Mr. Qball: "I can't say anything
about a heap of cloth in a paper box!"
We: "Ah,
there's Ranger Hardford. He surely will help us with this
problem. -- Ranger!"
...
Ranger Hardford: "I'm
sorry, Madam. But I have absolutely no talent for being a
dressman at all." (He looked really sorry about that, than
his face lightened up.) "But I know somebody who has."
(He grapped the box with Scare-5 and vanished in the back of the
laboratory.)
...
Ranger Gooseman: "QBall, have you
seen the sharpener for my throwing stars?"
Mr. QBall:
"No. And I hope for silence here!"
Ranger Gooseman:
"Hey. I just asked--" (At that moment Ranger Hardford
reappeared with somebody wearing Scare-5 with a formal though
somehow stiff elegance. Ranger Gooseman turned round and fired at
the new creation. Blue-and white metall came to vision under the
burning cloth.) "Sorry, Buzz." (He holstered his
weapons.)
Ranger Hardford (who had jumped to the side): "Hey,
what do you have against our android?"
Ranger Gooseman
(shrugged): "I've got this reflex against moving
scarecrows..."
The Android: "Don't worry, Ranger
Hardford. I was fabricated out off the best availabe alloys.
Ranger Gooseman didn't damage any part of my system."
Ranger
Hardford (picked a smoking rag of Scare-5 from the android's
shoulder): "At least it looks better now than before. --
But, why are you armed, my Goose man? We are in Beta, after
all."
Ranger Gooseman: "What?! Should I walk around
in the nude, then?!"
Mr. QBall: "Be quiet! I have to
concentrate upon this."
(At that moment the sprinklers of
the fire extinguishing system started to work and filled the
whole room with soft yellow foam. We don't dared to say anything
further because of the dangerous appearance of Ranger Gooseman.)
ADVERTISEMENTS
[Earth
Times gives no guarantees regarding the contents of these ads!]
HIGH
SOCIETY of TORTUNA
[As always we present the latest news
from the palace]
WANTED
alive
the
Bubblehead,
that observed when the highest Queen got dressed
in the morning and informed
almost half of the galaxy about
how many guards were needed to close her
corset
properly.
(I've been told it were at least 48.)
Her famous
Highness as usual offer 50.000 Tortunian Crowns
(as a cheque,
of course! Don't fear to be rich afterwards.)
THE
FIRST ROYAL HERALD
HIGH
SOCIETY of TORTUNA
[As always we present the latest news
from the palace]
WANTED
dead
or alive
the
first royal herald,
that published the last "wanted"
circular.
Her famous Highness as usual offer 150.000 Tortunian
Crowns.
Her
famous Highness herself.
HIGH
SOCIETY of TORTUNA
[As always we present the latest news
from the palace]
WANTED
very
necessary
a
new informer in the High Palace,
since our last one
mysteriously vanished.
We always offer regular publications
with his name printed in grateful tall letters...
the
editorial department
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